


Not Like This

by ritsuko



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Dominance, Dubious Consent, Fingerfucking, HYDRA Trash Party, Hand Jobs, M/M, Orders, Rape/Non-con Elements, Repressed Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-06
Updated: 2014-11-06
Packaged: 2018-02-24 09:48:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2577104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ritsuko/pseuds/ritsuko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Bucky finally advance their relationship, but Bucky still can't differentiate between HYDRA's memories and his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Like This

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for a great prompt at HTP, but then someone wrote a far superior one. 
> 
> PREPARE FOR SADS

"Really Buck, I think we should." Steve states, shyly tucking his hand into the brunette's right, and smiling sweetly. They've been sharing a bed for the last few weeks, and from what Bucky can remember and has been remembering, they've shared a bed before, and more, so much more.

At least, he thinks they have.

So when Steve takes his silence as assent, it shocks him a little when those strong fingers seek out his cock underneath the covers. It doesn't take long for him to get hard, and the other man softly stroking him through his pajama pants.

All of his memories of the past are hazy, but he remembers certain intimacies with the other man: kissing, hand jobs, cock sucking. Standard things to have gone through as the asset of HYDRA. He knows that there was sex too, but it's jumbled in his mind as to who was on top. Although with Steve's coquettish behavior, it's easy to estimate that the blonde bottomed.

The thought makes Bucky harder. With HYDRA, he was never allowed to top. Every time, every way, he was the one taking, be it one or twenty. The thought that Steve wants him in such a way, no holding back, is the best aphrodisiac he'd ever been given. The blonde is already pulling him out, plush pink lips lowering to his shaft. Deftly, his tongue pokes out and licks along him, and Bucky has to stifle a groan. He threads his fingers through Steve's hair, delighting in the subtle workings of that tongue. When Steve pops the thick head of his cock into his mouth, Bucky loses it.

His grip tightens, the silken strands fisted hard, and the other man makes a small noise in the back of his throat. For a moment Steve stills, but then continues, working more of Bucky into his mouth. Bucky knows that it can be painful to adjust to a whole dick in your mouth, so he tries to be gentle with the first thrust. To the blonde's credit, he swallows, barely scuffs his teeth along Bucky's length. There's the satisfying slap of his balls against Steve's chin, his throat working hard around him not to choke. But that's normal.

Before long he's worked out a steady rhythm, each thrust into Steve's mouth like heaven. As he looks down, he can't help but smile. Steve's eyes are closed, delicate lashes scrunched up as he breathes through his nose. A bit of drool ekes out the corner of his mouth and Bucky can't help but think how perfect this is, being reunited and that Steve would want him like this.

It feels too good, and he can feel the the flutter in his groin that tells him that he is going to come. He groans loudly, holding Steve down on his cock as he comes, and he can feel the other man's throat twitch and constrict as he fights for air. After a moment, Steve swallows until Bucky is spent, pulling out of his mouth with a soothing stroke of cool metal fingers to the side of Steve's face. The other man looks up at him, with a confused look on his face, and Bucky falters.

But only for a moment. 

HYDRA rarely ever left a lapse in the action, and he needs to make sure that Steve is getting the full treatment that he deserves. Leaning down, he places a searing kiss on the other man's lips, tongue probing forcefully into the other man's mouth. He tastes like Bucky's jizz and peppermint toothpaste, and the brunette laps at the inside, wishing he could devour him. He ends the kiss, biting his bottom lip hard enough to bruise, but then licks along it. Steve shudders, eyes hazy with lust and uncertainty.

It's a look he knows. Bucky smiles, pushing the other man onto his back. Steve complies, giving him no resistance. His chest is still rising and falling in quick little breaths, and the sight only turns Bucky on more. To have Steve, in front of him complacent and willing. His hear soars. Delicately, he spreads his legs further apart, delighting in the blush that spreads across Steve's cheeks. 

He takes a moment to drink in the sight. From those sky blue eyes and plush lips, the perfectly sculpted pecs and abs, to the slight trail of blonde hair leading to his half hard cock and his taut ass, everything about Steve is perfect. The blonde squirms under his scrutiny, blush deepening. "Buck. . ."

The corner of Bucky's mouth turns up, a rare smile. It almost hurts after seventy years. Steve mirrors the movement, gaze full of adoration and concern. Bucky strokes reassuringly up the back of Steve's legs, and he smiles deeper at the trembling flesh between his hands. This is familiar. It has to be. They must have had sex like this in the past for Steve to instigate it.

Bucky caresses down Steve's body, eating up the hungry moans and hitched breaths that the other man makes. He tweaks a nipple and Steve can barely keep his pelvis still, rocking up closer to him. 

Steve goes rigid when he plunges two fingers dry into his ass. For a moment, Bucky wonders if he has done something wrong, until the blonde squirms upon the digits, impaling himself further. Bucky exhales. So he is doing it right. Just as it was done to him. He wriggles those fingers, scissoring to widen, but Steve is so very tight. When he draws those fingers out and back in, the blonde gasps. "B. . . Buck-"

"Zatknis'!" Bucky snaps, not even realizing he's spoken Russian, barely registering his harsh tone. All he knows is that you don't make noises, you don't say names when you're on the receiving end. He concentrates, fingers seeking out that spot inside that will no doubt make the blonde feel unbearably good. It was never at the forefront of his handlers minds to make him feel ecstasy, but this gift that Steve is giving, he wants to give to the best of his ability. Before he knows it, Steve is jerking under him, back bowed and beautiful moans slipping past his lips. 

There's a little less friction now, and Steve seems to be relaxing enough to jam in a third finger. The blonde makes a strangled cry, and Bucky lightly swats him on the ass with his metal hand, hard enough to sting. "You have to be quiet. I'm in control now. You do as I instruct you to."

He can feel the other man stiffen, and he slaps an ass cheek again, delighting in the soft blossom of pink that spreads across it in the shape of his hand. "You have to be good. You don't get a reward if you aren't good."

Steve shudders underneath him, body going slack. With one hand, Bucky soothes his reddened ass, and the other spreads fingers inside of him. He gives special attention to that little cluster of nerves, enough that the other man starts spearing himself on those fingers. That's his indication to step it up. Swiftly, he pulls his fingers out, earning a choked mewl from the other man, which in turn earns Steve another swat. "Be quiet, whore, or you don't get to come."

There's another small amount of uneasiness as Steve tenses, eyes burning bright blue with humiliation, looking like he is about to lash out. Of course he can't, that will ruin everything. How can he even begin to explain to Steve how much pain it will bring if he tries to retaliate? Fighting it only ever brings pain. He doesn't want to teach the blonde this, but if he has to, he will. With much effort it seems, Steve chews on his bottom lip and nods his assent.

Something inside the brunette soars, a feeling of euphoria unlike anything he has ever known. He's in control now, and Steve will do as he says. It's not enough to change his demeanor, but a slight smile tugs at his lips as he lines his cock up to that twitching hole. Steve's eyes widen, and he goes very still, eyes cloudy with hesitation. Between them, the blonde's cock is flagging, but Bucky pays it no mind. After all, HYDRA never went out of their way to make sure he received pleasure, but all the same, he lowers a hand to it. Steve's erection jerks in his grasp, and he moans behind clenched teeth. Bucky thumbs the slit, smearing the slight dab of pre-cum forming all over the head. Steve makes a mewling sound, and taking that as and indication, Bucky drives into him. It's a fight, one dry, hot millimeter at a time, but he pushes forward agonizingly slow until he is flush with Steve's ass. Before he can stop himself, a satisfied grunt slips from his mouth. Steve on the other hand has gone still, bottom lip caught in his teeth. Pain is etched in his features, and it only strengthens Bucky's resolve. This is how it always is, how it should be.

He holds himself there a moment, relishing the spasming heat around his cock, before ripping out and slamming in again. It goes easier, is slicker now, Steve must be bleeding. Despite the shallow breathing and occasional gasp, the brunette has no reason to think that he's doing anything wrong. He reaches his metal hand up to fist in that golden wheat hair, baring the blond's throat for him. Steve makes a noise in the back of his throat as he pulls.

He removes his hand, instead digging his fingers into those hips to make each thrust count. The bruises of his fingertips should heal easily enough, and the thought of marking up Steve as his own is powerful. Maybe when there's more time, he'll leave scratches and cuts, blossoming bruises in the way that was done to him, something to mark the blonde and make him forever his.

Something inside him wrenches, and immediately he abandons the idea. How could he even think of hurting the blonde, so docile, so trusting? For the most part, the techs and the strike force and even Pierce only cut him or beat him when he had messed up a mission. The thought of blood on Steve's form makes something primal and protective well within him. 

_You keep him SAFE, Goddammit!_ The thought comes from somewhere within, and Bucky pauses slightly, considering its origin. There haven't been many thoughts that he has had that allude to his past life, but this one is wholly James Buchanan Barnes. It stills him, and Steve stares up at him, eyes sparkling. 

He slams harder into that slick heat, merging with the other man. It feels so good, so right, more than it ever had with any HYDRA agent, so perfect it feels like home. He wants that heat, to be devoured over and over by it, to burn in the touch and taste, each hiccuping breath and unshed tear, soft fingers and whispered words in dimly lit canvas tents and rooms with creaky floorboards and Steve just moaning the mantra of his name over and over-

Orgasm hits him, so hard he nearly screams like some wild caged thing, pounding hard into the blonde to milk out the last of his orgasm, to claim Steve as his own. As he was before, as he always will be.

At least, he thinks so.

"Khoroshiy mal'chik. . ." He murmurs, and then blinks away his confusion. No, that's not right. "Good. . . Stevie."

Those blue eyes gaze up at him, so sad, so hopeful.

So broken.

In an instant, the soldier knows he's done something wrong, knows he will be punished, but can't for the life of him think of what he has failed at. Should he have been rougher? Did he do wrong in not proffering himself up instead, letting Steve abuse and degrade him? Or maybe, Steve's lack of an orgasm. . . the tactical mind of the soldier clicks in, considering his possibilities, how to right this mess.

A fat teardrop spills down Steve's cheek, gravity skewing it to his hairline.

That crystalline droplet is enough to spook the soldier back to the darkness, for Bucky to claw his way back to some semblance of being himself. One man, one murderer, sharing one body.

With a gulp, he asks, "Did I do it right?"

His voice sounds, high and childish, like he's on the verge of tears, frightened of the reprimand. He doesn't understand, it felt so good, so perfect. But he must have done it wrong. He should have tried harder, made Steve enjoy it more. . .

The blonde's face almost breaks, before he plasters on a giant grin, eyes glistening. "Of course, Buck. That was. . . " Steve swallows, and the brunette cringes. He slips out of the blonde, far more delicately than he had, unknown feelings starting to bubble within him. Steve reaches for him as he pulls his sleep pants back up, as he escapes through the window. It's been common for him to perch out on the fire escape, take in the lights of the city. 

He can hear Steve finally rise, breath hitching, the soft padding over carpet as he makes his way to the bathroom. The shower head as its spray comes to life. Off in the distance, Bucky can see the Washington Memorial, lit up like a stone sentinel pointing the way to Heaven.

All the memories are so hard to distinguish. Which ones are truly his, and which are the ones that belong to HYDRA. He had to have had sex with Steve in the past. 

But not like this.

A muffled sob escapes from the bathroom, and Bucky vomits over the side of the railing.

No, never like this.


End file.
